Toxic Love

I haven’t been keeping up on this thing as much as I would have like but I’m going to try and do my hardest now that my life has calmed down a bit. This year has been so busy for me and has been filled with many ups and downs maybe a little more downs then I would have liked to have but I have been learning a lot about myself these past ten months to say the least. At the beginning of the year I moved in with who I thought was the “the one”. We had only dated for a little over a month but in our minds we knew what we knew and felt it was right. So we went against everyone’s advice and got our first place. I still remember getting our keys like it was yesterday, we were so excited yet anxious, but we so ready to start this new journey; we were crazy in love. As our first month in the new place progressed it was filled with a lot of emotion to say the least. We were both trying to get use to each other habits. His, leaving the shower curtain open or the seat up, being a guy; mine, being a little ocd about things :) After learning to compromise things couldn’t have been better and I couldn’t have been happier.After about four months of living together things started going downhill. We started fighting a lot and it wasn’t looking good for us. We loved each other more than anything but we started noticing we were a lot alike and our personalities were clashing. I just kept thinking how I can love someone so much as well as get so riled up by the same person. Around the end of June we decided it would be best to move out of the apartment and live separately for awhile to see if we could fix what was starting to break. So for all of July we worked hard on getting back to the couple we were before and before we knew it we stopped fighting and were happy again. So once again, when we felt we mended what was broken and were strong again we went apartment hunting. We moved into the new place August 1st, it was amazing to say the least. A huge two bedroom, two bath, all to our selves! We had so many plans on what to do with the place, but quickly we were back to our old selves and those dreams were whittling away. We did our hardest to try and mesh and stick it out but after a month and a half we finally gave up and realized it just wasn’t working. A month later I still have days where I struggle not having him there, but I am going to be ok. I still love and care for him, but in a different way now. He taught me a lot about myself and what kind of person I want to be and want I want a need in a man. He will always share a special place in my heart and I wish him nothing but the best.