Bucket List

1. Go to massage school and become a licensed LMP

2. Get my Bachelor’s degree.

3. Backpack through Europe

4. Run a marathon

5. Buy a house and make it my own.

6. Learn something new every day.

7. Pay off my debt and then only pay in cash or don’t buy at all.

8. Fall in love. [Feb. 2011]

9. Become fluent in French.

10. Learn to play the guitar.

11. Sing to a crowd.

12. Learn how to water ski.

13. Go To the Super Bowl.

14. Attend the Ellen Show

15. Visit in New York City.

16. Work for a humanitarian group in a foreign country.

17. Go snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef.

18. Swim with Sharks.

19. Visit all 7 continents

20. Visit all 50 states.

21. Set foot in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. [06.2008]

22. Visit all 7 wonders of the world

23. See the Northern Lights.

24. See the Grand Canyon and Four Corners. [07.2000]

25. Go on safari.

26. Go to Canada. [10.2008]

27. Travel to Mexico. [06.2005]

28. Visit Japan.

29. Visit Auschwitz, Germany.

30. Visit Washington DC. [05.2008]

31. Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in a pub in Ireland.

32. See and go up in the Eiffel Tower.

33. Go skydiving.

34. Fly a plane.

35. Go On a Cruise.

36. Learn how to surf

37. Go Bungee Jumping.

38. Take dance lessons for the: Rumba, Cha-cha-cha, Tango, Ballroom, and Waltz.

I will add more as I think of them or accomplish them :)

What I'm listening to right now...

"One day your life will flash before your eyes so make sure it's worth watching."

♥

....it wasn't over, it still isn't over

At some point, you've probably heard someone say, music is my therapy. Music is such a powerful tool when it comes to our moods. Whether we’re playing it or listening to it, music can music can help relieve stress, soothe anxeity and boost energy. Taylor Swift has always been one of my favorite artist because of the fact that she is a beautiful song writer and her voice isn't half bad as well :) I have related to a multiple of her songs over the past couple years but while listening to her new CD, one of the songs in particular spoke to me very deeply. I began listen to "Back to December" over and over because I couldn't help but think this song was wrote specifically for me. Literally every word I could relate to, even the months she uses int he song are correct. So if you are reading this, you know who you are and I hope we can continue to talk and see where life takes us. You know my heart and what I want, as I poured that out to you the other night, as well did you. My only hope is that you make a decision based on what you want, not what anyone else around you wants. I have always felt we are meant to be together, you have always been my first love and will always be. What's meant to be will always be, period.

I'm so glad you made time to see me.

How's life, tell me how's your family?

I haven't seen them in a while.

You've been good, busier then ever.

We small talk, work and the weather

Your guard is up and I know why.

Cause the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind.

You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,

And I go back to December all the time.

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.

I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leaving,

When your birthday passed and I didn't call.

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the passenger side

Realized that I loved you in the fall.

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.

And I go back to December all the time.

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.

I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,

And how you held me in your arms that September night,

The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,

Probably mindless dreaming

If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,

And I go back to December.

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.

I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.

I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.

I go back to December all the time.

All the time

Reynolds Wrap

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

We've heard songs about it, seen it in the movies, heard it talked about on Oprah by relationship experts, and read about it in thousands of self help books. But, what is love? We all want to feel loved. We think about it, hope for it, fantasize about it, go to great lengths to achieve it, and feel that our lives are incomplete without it. The lack of love is the cause of most of our anger and confusion. It is no exaggeration to say that our emotional need for love is just as great as our physical need for air and food. But what I want to know is if that “Can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars” type of love is even out there. What if we are looking for, longing for, that ever after love, that whole, consuming love doesn’t even it exist at all? Do you know of anyone who has been together for years and are still completely and hopelessly in love with each other? How do they do it? Do you believe in true love? Is it naive to think it’s out there?

After pondering on this thought for awhile I came to the conclusion that I think the problem is people make love to complicated. We play games (intentional or not), lie, fight over pointless things, and just act ridiculous. We think too much about love. We think we need someone. Love happens and we think we know every precious little about it. But in our world today it feels like everything is for sex or advancement in some aspect of our lives whether its money or a job. Love becomes a mask over our eyes when someone has all the things we desire. So I guess when I comes down to whether or not I believe in true love and that everyone has a soul mate, I do believe a very few LUCKY percentage of us will find it but unfortunately most of us will never meet that person because we will just end up settling for what we have in front of us because we feel that need to be with someone whether he/she treats us good or not. I read a quote once that said “My knight in shining armor, turned out to be just a loser in aluminum foil”. So in world full of "Reynolds wrap", is it possible to still find that Prince Charming we all hope and dream for?

My New Book....

Everything your friends wont say to you but what you NEED to hear!

So far it's wonderful :)

Toxic Love

I haven’t been keeping up on this thing as much as I would have like but I’m going to try and do my hardest now that my life has calmed down a bit. This year has been so busy for me and has been filled with many ups and downs maybe a little more downs then I would have liked to have but I have been learning a lot about myself these past ten months to say the least. At the beginning of the year I moved in with who I thought was the “the one”. We had only dated for a little over a month but in our minds we knew what we knew and felt it was right. So we went against everyone’s advice and got our first place. I still remember getting our keys like it was yesterday, we were so excited yet anxious, but we so ready to start this new journey; we were crazy in love. As our first month in the new place progressed it was filled with a lot of emotion to say the least. We were both trying to get use to each other habits. His, leaving the shower curtain open or the seat up, being a guy; mine, being a little ocd about things :) After learning to compromise things couldn’t have been better and I couldn’t have been happier.After about four months of living together things started going downhill. We started fighting a lot and it wasn’t looking good for us. We loved each other more than anything but we started noticing we were a lot alike and our personalities were clashing. I just kept thinking how I can love someone so much as well as get so riled up by the same person. Around the end of June we decided it would be best to move out of the apartment and live separately for awhile to see if we could fix what was starting to break. So for all of July we worked hard on getting back to the couple we were before and before we knew it we stopped fighting and were happy again. So once again, when we felt we mended what was broken and were strong again we went apartment hunting. We moved into the new place August 1st, it was amazing to say the least. A huge two bedroom, two bath, all to our selves! We had so many plans on what to do with the place, but quickly we were back to our old selves and those dreams were whittling away. We did our hardest to try and mesh and stick it out but after a month and a half we finally gave up and realized it just wasn’t working. A month later I still have days where I struggle not having him there, but I am going to be ok. I still love and care for him, but in a different way now. He taught me a lot about myself and what kind of person I want to be and want I want a need in a man. He will always share a special place in my heart and I wish him nothing but the best.

I will be ok without you....

.lover.
.bestfriend.
.daughter.
.sister.
.cousin.
.niece.
.grandaughter.
.fighter.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future. You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'd rather be...

I'm a pretty tough girl, but i have my moments of weakness. I live for the days when nothing seems to far out of reach. You may see me struggle, but you will never see me fail. I would rather pretend everything is fine then admit it's not. I dont like letting people close enough to hurt me, it just seems easier that way. I've cared too much to really care anymore. I dont trust people easily so if you have my trust, dont loose it. I can promise you one thing; i will always be okay.

What I've Learned....

I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there's always two sides. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to stop and think. I've learned that you either control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, than how many birthdays you've celebrated. I've learned that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to friends. I've learned that it isn't enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you just have to learn how to forgive yourself. I've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world won't stop for you. I've learned that backgrounds and circumstances might have influenced who you are, but we are responsible for the people we become. I've learned that you can't make somebody love you, all you can do is be somebody who can be loved. I've learned that the word 'love' has many meanings, but it loses value when over-used and most importantly, I've learned that no matter how old or wise you think you are, life never stops teaching.

Find happiness in everything you do

Pheww so glad that chapter of my life is over. I'm feeling a sense of peace & ease today. I have an amazing life that includes the most amazing boyfriend, friends, family. I need to learn to not take that for granted. Life's too short to dwell on the past because you cant change the past, you can only move on & change what your future will be. One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching. ♥

lead with your head not your heart

There’s a point in your life when you know who stays forever and who’s just around for a while. People change, but so do you. Sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worst. Bad things happen, to everyone. You’re not in it alone. People lie, and some people just don’t care how you feel. Your heart beats, no matter how much pain you’re in. Everything will be okay, eventually. Give it all you’ve got, and live your life to the fullest. People would kill to be you, have what you have, someone always has it worse off than you, but that doesn’t mean your pain doesn’t count. And with that said this is my theory, maybe there isn't any such things as good friends or bad friends, maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you're hurt and help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they're always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for, maybe worth dying for too, if thats what has to be. No good friends, no bad friends, only people who you want and need to be with you, people who build their houses in your heart.

my new blogging life

Well, this is my first attempt at blogging, it is going to be my venting/thinking/idea-making place. I don't know how else to start other than to just start talking about my life. So, without further delaying, here I go...

I just turned 21 and am enjoying being of "age" very much. I enjoy classical music, long walks on the beach, and the finer things in life... haha ok, not so much classical music but the other two I don't mind! I sorta feel like I am writing a personal ad for myself! I do however enjoy shopping (when I actually have money), cooking, (again when I have money to fill my pantry with food to actually do the cooking). I try to stay active and work out at least 3 or 4 times a week, running and I currently have a love/hate relationship! I am obsessed with anything Paris and Zebra print and tattoos. I love photography although I am not a very good photographer myself. My favorite TV shows are The Ellen Show and Gossip Girl! I currently live with my amazing boyfriend and another great couple. We have a beautiful two bedroom apartment and two dogs. I work for a super busy Real Estate company which can be very draining at time but also rewarding! My family, which consists of my Dad, Mom and two little brothers, AJ is 12 and Noah is 11. They Just recently moved to Redding, CA and decided to orphan me! No no, I really didn't want to go. Just not my scene right now. I miss them terribly, I don't go a day without talking to my Momma at least twice! They are so happy down there and that makes me happy :) I am a pretty laid back person with a lot to be thankful for in my life so I need to learn to not take it for granted so much!

My boyfriends name is Jarrod and funny story we met on the wonderful Facebook. We have a lot of mutual friends but never had actually met. But am I so happy and thankful we did! Even though he bugs the crap outta me sometimes those little imperfections is what makes him him and why I love him so very much! Our goal is to become more financially stable here in the next couple of years and buy a house together! I cant wait to see what the future holds for us!

My dogs name is Fudge and he is so funny looking he comes right back around to cute! He recently decided to go on a little adventure over the weekend but is now found and safe and sound back home. Unfortunately he did pick up a little bug while out so we went to the vet this morning and are hopefully good to go now! Other than being a little escape artist all of sudden, he is an awesome dog that I love dearly and would be devastated if any thing happened to him again!

My roommates names are Ashlie and Shane. They are good people and I could have asked for two better roommates. They have a dog named Shea who Ashlie thinks is the prettiest thing to ever walk to planet, she's alright but now my dog, now he's pretty!! HAHA! Just kidding Ash! She is pretty darn cute and diffidently knows it! All four of us enjoy just kicking back and having a few drinks here and there, eating dinner at a "family", or just hangin out watching good 'ol American Idol! Recently we all have gotten really into playing poker, so fun!

Well that's pretty much my life in a nut shell right now! And thats all can think of for now. I look forward to writing about my life's ups and downs and sharing them with the world.

So until next time,

xoxo

:)